Under the Table and Dreaming

I like the space under the table. It’s where I do some of my best thinking. And dreaming. Sometimes, however, my fat sister interrupts me. Sigh.

Just hanging out.

Just hanging out.

Go away, I'm thinking.

Go away, I’m thinking.

Shoo, dog. Shoo.

Shoo, dog. Shoo.

Leave me alone.

Leave me alone.

Boxes! Yay!

So we’re moving. I don’t know what that means, but it involves boxes. Lots of boxes. Yay! I don’t really know what else to say about this. Umm.. boxes? I went for a nice walk today (jalan-jalan!), and then came back home to chill with the boxes. Yay! My brother likes the boxes too. I think. He’s weird. Boxes!

Boxes!

Boxes!

Boxes make me sleepy.

Boxes make me sleepy.

Very sleepy.

Very sleepy.

Boxes make me want to sniff butts.

Boxes make me want to sniff butts.

Review: Stewart’s Cream Soda bottle cap

The humans left me a new toy the other day. As per usual, they didn’t even have the decency to give it to me – I had to go find it myself, abandoned as it was on the table in the lounge. I have to admit: I was pleasantly surprised. The built quality of this toy is excellent, and it proved to be hugely entertaining. I also appreciate the fact that it’s small enough for me to easily manipulate with my paws, and even hold in my mouth when I want to carry it somewhere (to dump it in my water bowl, for example). I’m not a big fan of the colour (the shiny golden surface makes it a bit tacky), but that’s only a minor complaint.

All in all, a pretty nice Christmas gift, even though it came almost a week late.

Fun toy.

Fun toy.

Bottle capped.

Bottle capped.

Quite a pleasant feeling.

Quite a pleasant feeling.

Entertainment value: 5/5
Durability: 5/5
Looks: 3/5
Value for money: 5/5
Overall: 4.5/5

Santa Day!

Today was Santa Day, and I don’t really know what that means, but I got all dressed up in a very pretty red outfit and was taken outside and got lots and lots and lots of attention! I also ran into another doggie, and the doggie was very strange and attacked me and stuff, but it was all good fun, even though I wasn’t really all that sure what was going on. I had lots of fun and I want it to be Santa Day every day!

 

Oooh look, a fire truck, black and red like me!

Oooh look, a fire truck, black and red like me!

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Woaaargh!

 

Aaaargh!

Aaaargh!

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Survived the attack… yay!

 

Review: Clif Bars (White Chocolate & Macadamia / Coconut Chocolate Chip)

Yesterday, the humans went away in the afternoon to go look at a space ship. When it was dinner time, they still weren’t back. Fortunately, they had left some new food for me in the kitchen. Yay! Really nice smelling bars, on the bottom shelf of the kitchen cabinet. They had obviously left them for me – yay! – because otherwise they would have put them on a higher shelf, right? Yay! I love food! I tried the one that smelled like nuts first. The wrapper was a little hard to open, but because I’m a clever pug – I like food! yay! – it didn’t take me too long. The bar was very, very yummy, and I was still hungry, so I moved to the next one. This one tasted of coconut. Very nice. Yay! I was getting kinda full, but the third one was calling my name (Gemuk! Gemuk! Yay!), so I ate it, too.

Yum! Yay! Yum! Yay! Yum! Yay!

When the humans got home, they looked a little confused. They had probably forgotten they had left those treats for me – silly forgetful humans. Later, they tried to give me another treat (because I’m such a good doggie!), but it was very yucky and pink and funny-tasting. The bottle said ‘Pepto-Bismol’ on it, and the taste brought back vague memories of when my brother and I had managed to break into our automatic feeders and eaten everything inside. That was fun! Yay!

Since I ate the bars, I haven’t stopped farting! Hehehehe! Fun! Yay! More bars, please?

Anyway, here is my review:

  • Taste: 5/5 – supper tasty, better than kibbles
  • Packaging: 2/5 – not that easy to open with doggie paws, needs improvement
  • Nutritional value: ? – I don’t know what this means
  • Side-effects: 4/5 – I love the farts, but the soft poo is less fun
  • Value for money: ? – I dunno? I think they were for free?

More bars, yes?

Birthday Parties Are For Idiots Only

So, it was that time of the year again.. my stupid sister had her birthday, and the humans thought it was a good idea to celebrate (as if something as insignificant as that is worth celebrating!) by throwing a party and inviting a bunch of other humans. Seems like only last month when she had her first birthday, and I was forced to wear a stupid blue hat all night long.. very demeaning.

At least things couldn’t get worse this year round, right?

Wrong.

They thought it was funny for me to wear not one, but two stupid little hats. I mean, do they even understand how uncomfortable those elastic straps are for my sensitive physique?

Once again, not amused

I also had to wear some kind of ugly yellow napkin with stupid drawings of cupcakes on it. Very classy. Very stylish.

Yeah, laugh, why don’t you? Very funny.

Anyway, as much as I hated the whole experience, I guess it won’t kill me to lower myself to her level one day a year, and wish my silly fat sister a very happy birthday. Yay! (Ahem..)

Happy birthday, you crazy *****!

Review: Jules Destrooper Butter Crisps

Today, I tried new food. Yay! Cookies! They were very yummy, and I would like to thank the humans for leaving these tasty waffle thingies out for little me. They were in  a shiny wrapper and they were a bit difficult to get out and lick and eat and stuff, but I think the humans just forgot to put them in my bowl. Still, it was very nice of them to share them with me.

It was a bit strange that they didn’t give me any doggie food for dinner when they came home. They also seemed a little bit confused when they saw there were no more cookies left. They probably forgot they had given them to me, and they must have forgotten to feed me my dog food too. They’re forgetting a lot of things these days. Good thing I am smart and know how to feed myself.

For me? Thank you! Yay!

Taste: 5/5.. yummy!

Nutritional value: I dunno what this means

Value for money: I dunno?

Review: Zanies 8-Inch Rope Menagerie Dog Toy, Giraffe

Helllooo! Long time no blog blog! I’ve been busy. No, not really. I’ve been lazy.. hehehe! Too hot for bloggin’. I like blogging. Yay! I also like treats, and toys, and walkies. It’s too hot for walkies right now. I like treats, and toys! This is one of my favourite toys of all time, and I really like it, almost as much as my moose, but I like my moose more. Yay, the moose! Gemoose! I like the moose. But I like this toy too! It’s a giraffe.. Geraffe? Gemuk, Gemoose, Geraffe. Hehehe! It’s yellow, like my brother’s eyes, and it’s made out of rope. It’s really awesome to chew on, almost as awesome as chewing on treats, but I like treats more. I really like treats. And my moose. And my giraffe. It’s yellow. My brother’s eyes are yellow too. I like my brother, he has a weird face. My giraffe had a weird face too, but its face is kinda gone now. Gila’s face is still weird.

Face no more

Fun factor: 4/5 – lots of fun – yay! – but not quite as fun as the moose

Chewiness: 4/5 – very fun to chew on, but not quite as fun to chew on as treats

Durability: 3/5 – it’s still chewable, but it doesn’t really look like a giraffe anymore.. hehehe.. oops!

Value for money: I dunno?

Interview with Gemuk & Gila

Host: Hello, and welcome to our show. We have two very special guests here with us tonight: Gemuk the pug and Gila the.. I’m sorry, what are you again?
Gila: I’m an exotic shorthair. You’re retarded.
Host: An exotic shorthair, that’s right. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Gemuk the pug and Gila the exotic shorthair!
(Audience: Applause)
Host: So, Gemuk and Gila, tell us a little bit about yourselves. First of all, how do you know each other?
Gila: I was forced to live with her…
Gemuk: He’s my brother! Yay!
Gila: Yes, as hard as it may be to believe, that unfortunately appears to be the case.
Host: Why do you say it’s hard to believe?
Gila: Are you serious? Look at her. Then look at me. Enough said.
Host: I’m not sure I get your point. You’re both black..
Gila: I’m not black, I’m a very dark shade of..
Gemuk: We’re both black! Yay! I’m hungry!
Host: Well, quite.. You’re both black, and you both have adorable smushed up faces.
Gila: I’m not adorable.
Gemuk: I like faces. I’m going to lick your face!
Host: That won’t be necessary. Now, where were.. hey, watch what you do with that tongue.. hey!
(Gemuk: Slobber)
Gila: Can you believe I have to put up with that every day?
(Audience: Laughter)
Gila: What the hell are you laughing at? How is that funny? She’s a bloody licking machine!
(Audience: Laughter)
Host: Get her off me! My face!
(Audience: Laughter)
Gila: It’s some sort of obsessive-compulsive behavioural pattern, I tell you. I’m pretty sure she’s so far advanced, she’s beyond help. And the licking is probably the least of her problems..
(Gemuk: Slobber)
Host: Urrrrrgh! Ok, that’s enough, please! Gila, you don’t seem to..ugh, Gemuk, stop, please… Gila, you don’t seem to.. think very highly of your sister?
Gila: You think? She’s an idiot.
Host: I have been told that you two do quite a lot together.
Gemuk: We play a lot together! Yay!
Host: Well, there you go..
Gila: Play? More like she attacks me, and I run and find cover.
Gemuk: Hide and seek!
Gila: You disgust me.
Host: Cute. Am I right in stating that sometimes you guys get up to no good together?
Gemuk: Sometimes, he smells of poo-poo.
Gila: Please just ignore her. Anyway, yes, sometimes I use her as a pawn in my evil schemes.
Host: For example?
Gila: That information is classified.
Gemuk: Sometimes, his fur is covered in poo-poo.
Gila: Shut up, bitch.
Host: Now now, there is no need for such language on this show,..
Gila: But that’s what she is. A bitch. A spayed bitch. Go check with the vet, he’s got it in his files. The same files that say I’m awesome.
Gemuk: His wee-wee got snipped off. Yay!
Gila: That’s it, I’m out of here.
Host: Please, Gila, this interview isn’t over yet. Now.. hey! Help! Arrgh!
(Gemuk: Slobber slobber slobber slobber schluuuurp!)
(Audience: Roaring Laughter. Applause)

Up to no good together.

Important announcement: I am awesome

The humans took me to the vet today. Not quite sure why, as I’m the epitome of health.

No, really, I am.

The vet was extremely impressed with my physique. He said I looked incredibly fit, and obviously well taken care of (of course – I have trained my servants well).

He was also completely in awe with the beauty of my wonderful coat, and he wasn’t the only one.  The nurses all agreed that they couldn’t remember the last time they had seen a cat with such stunning coat. Their words, not mine. It is therefore proven once and for all: I am awesome.

Awesomely beautiful.

I couldn’t help but notice that, despite my idiot sister also being there, I was the only one receiving compliments. The vet and nurses clearly don’t care much for smelly, chubby, overly excited dogs. What can I say? Some of us are born beautiful, others simply have to make do with mediocrity. I suppose it’s not her fault.
She’s still annoying, though.

Not so beautiful.