Interview with Gemuk & Gila

Host: Hello, and welcome to our show. We have two very special guests here with us tonight: Gemuk the pug and Gila the.. I’m sorry, what are you again?
Gila: I’m an exotic shorthair. You’re retarded.
Host: An exotic shorthair, that’s right. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Gemuk the pug and Gila the exotic shorthair!
(Audience: Applause)
Host: So, Gemuk and Gila, tell us a little bit about yourselves. First of all, how do you know each other?
Gila: I was forced to live with her…
Gemuk: He’s my brother! Yay!
Gila: Yes, as hard as it may be to believe, that unfortunately appears to be the case.
Host: Why do you say it’s hard to believe?
Gila: Are you serious? Look at her. Then look at me. Enough said.
Host: I’m not sure I get your point. You’re both black..
Gila: I’m not black, I’m a very dark shade of..
Gemuk: We’re both black! Yay! I’m hungry!
Host: Well, quite.. You’re both black, and you both have adorable smushed up faces.
Gila: I’m not adorable.
Gemuk: I like faces. I’m going to lick your face!
Host: That won’t be necessary. Now, where were.. hey, watch what you do with that tongue.. hey!
(Gemuk: Slobber)
Gila: Can you believe I have to put up with that every day?
(Audience: Laughter)
Gila: What the hell are you laughing at? How is that funny? She’s a bloody licking machine!
(Audience: Laughter)
Host: Get her off me! My face!
(Audience: Laughter)
Gila: It’s some sort of obsessive-compulsive behavioural pattern, I tell you. I’m pretty sure she’s so far advanced, she’s beyond help. And the licking is probably the least of her problems..
(Gemuk: Slobber)
Host: Urrrrrgh! Ok, that’s enough, please! Gila, you don’t seem to..ugh, Gemuk, stop, please… Gila, you don’t seem to.. think very highly of your sister?
Gila: You think? She’s an idiot.
Host: I have been told that you two do quite a lot together.
Gemuk: We play a lot together! Yay!
Host: Well, there you go..
Gila: Play? More like she attacks me, and I run and find cover.
Gemuk: Hide and seek!
Gila: You disgust me.
Host: Cute. Am I right in stating that sometimes you guys get up to no good together?
Gemuk: Sometimes, he smells of poo-poo.
Gila: Please just ignore her. Anyway, yes, sometimes I use her as a pawn in my evil schemes.
Host: For example?
Gila: That information is classified.
Gemuk: Sometimes, his fur is covered in poo-poo.
Gila: Shut up, bitch.
Host: Now now, there is no need for such language on this show,..
Gila: But that’s what she is. A bitch. A spayed bitch. Go check with the vet, he’s got it in his files. The same files that say I’m awesome.
Gemuk: His wee-wee got snipped off. Yay!
Gila: That’s it, I’m out of here.
Host: Please, Gila, this interview isn’t over yet. Now.. hey! Help! Arrgh!
(Gemuk: Slobber slobber slobber slobber schluuuurp!)
(Audience: Roaring Laughter. Applause)

Up to no good together.

Advertisements