Under the Table and Dreaming

I like the space under the table. It’s where I do some of my best thinking. And dreaming. Sometimes, however, my fat sister interrupts me. Sigh.

Just hanging out.

Just hanging out.

Go away, I'm thinking.

Go away, I’m thinking.

Shoo, dog. Shoo.

Shoo, dog. Shoo.

Leave me alone.

Leave me alone.

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Birthday Parties Are For Idiots Only

So, it was that time of the year again.. my stupid sister had her birthday, and the humans thought it was a good idea to celebrate (as if something as insignificant as that is worth celebrating!) by throwing a party and inviting a bunch of other humans. Seems like only last month when she had her first birthday, and I was forced to wear a stupid blue hat all night long.. very demeaning.

At least things couldn’t get worse this year round, right?

Wrong.

They thought it was funny for me to wear not one, but two stupid little hats. I mean, do they even understand how uncomfortable those elastic straps are for my sensitive physique?

Once again, not amused

I also had to wear some kind of ugly yellow napkin with stupid drawings of cupcakes on it. Very classy. Very stylish.

Yeah, laugh, why don’t you? Very funny.

Anyway, as much as I hated the whole experience, I guess it won’t kill me to lower myself to her level one day a year, and wish my silly fat sister a very happy birthday. Yay! (Ahem..)

Happy birthday, you crazy *****!

I lick myself

No, it’s not weird, or gross, or obscene. It’s how we cats clean ourselves, ok? And it’s far more effective, and far less ridiculous, than dumping me in a sink. Not that anyone cares.

Anyway, it’s perfectly normal. And not funny at all, ok?

I hate my life. And bath time. I hate you all.

OK, so, yes, the dog was very smelly. I won’t argue with that at all. And yes, she needed a bath. Badly.

Fine.

Does that mean I needed a bath too? No, not at all. So why the hell did they dunk me in the sink, then? Yes, the sink. You read that right. The smelly dog gets the royal treatment in the bath, I get my beautiful self cleaned in the sink.

I hate my life. I hate you all. And I hate bath time.