So, it was Christmas earlier this week. Big deal.
Pretty much as soon as the humans woke up, they started harassing me. I wasn’t really in the mood for any stupid games – I hadn’t slept well the night before, for reasons that I won’t dwell on here. Anyway, they picked me up and put this stupid green and red collar around me. Not only did it make me look like someone that had just run away from a jesters’ convention, its many bells also made this horrible clinking noise whenever I dared move.
Sensing further impending dreadfulness, I hid in the couch. In the meantime, my idiot sister was prancing around like an absolute retard in a.. wait for it.. Christmas tree suit. Nice. Really classy.
I tried to hide, I really did, but they found me every time I retreated to a different spot. For some reason, they found it necessary to show me off to their families back home, using their laptops and iPads and whatnot. Yeah, it wasn’t bad putting a stupid freaking gaudy collar around my neck, they also felt it necessary to humiliate me in public, to an international audience. Great.
Anyway, they tried to cheer me up, and eventually resorted to bribery with a toy. A toy filled with catnip. A soft, crinkly toy, with a fuzzy tail, filled with catnip.
Guess what, it worked.
What can I say.. I like catnip. Gets me every time. I can’t fight it. And they know it.
Damn them. Damn them and their jolly ways. Damn them and their bribery.
I guess, in the end, the day could have been worse. They could have dressed ME up in a bloody Father Christmas suit.